pick me up and turn me 'round

“There is a magic in that little world, home; it is a mystic circle that surrounds comforts and virtues never known beyond its hallowed limits”~Robert Southey

Today the air was so warm and wet, it seemed like home. This morning when it rained and was windy and gray, someone asked me if this was what winter in Charleston was like.

Yes, I said. Exactly like this.

But by afternoon it was breezy and sunny. The sky looked like a painting, unmoving, perfect.

I've been home sick lately.

I came in from work and pushed open our two huge windows and let the curtains dance in the breeze. I leaned against the screen and inhaled, closed my eyes and pretended to smell salt and marsh instead of the Thai Tanic downstairs. Pretended to hear people's voices, trees blowing, horse hoofs clomping and waves lapping instead of sirens, horns and helicopter blades.

I turned on Radio Paradise and the Talking Heads sang. Funny, since Eric and I spent a good chunk of months listening to nothing but TH when we first met. We even call "This Must Be the Place" our song.

I am certain the homesickness is a dangerous concoction of being totally over wintertime mixed with the new identity I am learning as a soon to be mommy. I miss the weather, but I miss so much more. I miss wearing flip flops in December. I miss my pretty, calm, historic, sweet smelling walk to work. I miss the corner store down the street-- their awesome guac that Eric and I ate entire tubs of, with Coronas, while cooking dinner. I miss my wavy summer hair. I miss standing on the beach and not sucking in, taking fearless photos barely dressed. I miss cobblestone and pastel colored homes and palm trees. I miss men who hold doors and stand when ladies enter and leave the room or table-- even at business meetings.

Yes, this place really exists.

I miss riding bikes on the weekend, taking photos with sunflowers and sailboats in the background. I miss the kettle corn, that came in the brown paper bag, at the movie in the park, so perfect, I can taste it even now. I miss running on the waterfront, dodging uneven slates in the imperfect sidewalk without even looking down-- I knew them so well. I miss running to the waterfront park, sitting on the giant swings after dark, listening to my ipod and watching the Sullivan's Island lighthouse swing 'round. Then again, 'round. Then again. I miss the way my shoes crunched on the sand path, leaving that park. I miss going to that park on sunny days, parking myself with a blanket and a Skirt! magazine, spending the afternoon reading.

I miss twisty cypress trees and gazebos with brides inside. I miss beaching boats on Atlantic ocean sandbars in the summer and eating home made pickles, bought at the farmers' market that morning. I miss the artichoke relish from that farmers' market. Artichoke relish on a ritz cracker, with cream cheese. Honestly, one of the most Divine things I ever ate.

I miss my sweet friends, their easy laughter and even more easy going ways. The way you feel more pretty just by being around them, their personalities and southern charm rubbing off on you.

I miss Sunrise Park with Eric, the first day we spent together. We watched a ship leave the harbor and he explained the horn blasts to me, how a certain number of blasts was the ship's communication. He feared he was boring me. I was fascinated. I was also fascinated with his brown shoes and bunched up white, inside out athletic socks. I was falling in love with him already.

I love DC and I am so happy we've lived here. Don't get me wrong, not for a second-- I am happy here. But I know, in the depths of depths of who I am and what I mean, this is not where I'll end up.
--

Listen...


Home is where i want to be.
Pick me up and turn me round.
I feel numb - born with a weak heart,
i guess i must be having fun

The less we say about it the better,
Make it up as we go along.
Feet on the ground.
Head in the sky.
It's ok i know nothing's wrong . .

And I think, i got plenty of time.
you got light in your eyes.
And you're standing here beside me,
I love the passing of time.
Never for money,
Always for love.
Cover up and say goodnight . . . say goodnight.

Home - is where i want to be,
But i guess i'm already there.
I come home - -she lifted up her wings,
Guess that this must be the place.

I can't tell one from another,
Did i find you, or you find me?
There was a time before we were born,
If someone asks, this where i'll be . . . where i'll be.

We drift in and out,
Sing into my mouth.
Out of all those kinds of people,
You got a face with a view.
I'm just an animal looking for a home,
Share the same space for a minute or two.

And you love me till my heart stops.
Love me till i'm dead.
Eyes that light up, eyes look through you
Cover up the blank spots
Hit me on the head