i've been working on a big big project for some time now.  and now, it's time for this big project to be super out in the open.  now, actually for it to be successful, it MUST be out in the open. and THAT is so exciting.  and... super scary. because, even though i shouldn't care (and, truly, i mostly don't), i know that for every person who cheers me on and is supportive, there will be someone else rolling their eyes or laughing.  my mom reminded me today of one of my favorite quotes:

"don't listen when the little voice of fear inside you rears its ugly head and says. 'they're all smarter than you out there. they're more talented, they're taller, blonder, prettier, luckier, and they have connections.' i firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you'll be a person worthy of your own respects."
~neil simon
 
as i wrote in an email to someone today:
...recently, i met a woman, had the sheer luck of seeing her amazing, gorgeous space, and in a matter of days was on the road to opening a studio of my own.  though this is something i've been writing plans for, crunching numbers for, and dreaming about for years, it's crazy/scary/exciting to have it happening now.  it wouldn't be possible without a perfect, crazy, once-in-a-lifetime alignment of every piece of the puzzle.  but here it is.  if i didn't take this opportunity, i'd be kicking myself for the rest of my life.  i am both thrilled and scared shitless at the same time...
 
i hope if you're reading this you'll send love and supportive thoughts as i embark on this adventure.
 
and, if i only had a dollar for everytime someone asked me how, how am i going to do this?... my pregnancy, my eric-being-away. my toddler, my part-time job... i might have free lunch tomorrow.  but if i had a dollar for everytime i myself wondered if i have completely lost my mind in light of those same topics, i would have my rent paid for the rest of this year. 
 
but the truth is, if i wait for my life to slow down, i will be 65.  life is messy and exciting and has crazy highs and slow, rolling lows.  and, when you're finally and fully faced with what you feel is your path, you've got to take it. grab it.  and run. even if you're carrying more luggage than you expected to have on your trip.  i'm telling you, even though i am working my ass off, juggling a million things, being pregnant, having a cold, working part time, taking care of adam, and launching a business, i. feel. alive. 
 
that's how i know.  i don't really know exactly how i am going to do this.  i mean, i know bits and pieces, but i don't have all the answers and don't know all the future scenarios.  but, i do know that i can do it, either way.  i have confidence and faith in myself.  and that's also how i know i'm doing what's right.
 
so, there you have it! stay tuned...
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