one of my favorite things about this blog over the years has been being able to go back in time and read where i was back then.  whenever "then" is.  but i realized i haven't written much about this pregnancy and i definitely want to be able to remember.  but i know my life all too well to think i'll remember anything!  with all our constant change, so many details are a blur.

this baby is smaller, has to be.  eric agrees.  he said yesterday - you don't even look that pregnant, it seemed like with adam you were way bigger by now.  he's right. i definitely have a baby bump, but if i draw in my abs (muscles, not sucking in...), i could still easily be hiding this baby.  doctor said last time that my belly was measuring 2 weeks ahead of schedule, much to my amazement.  so is baby smaller?  or do eric and i only remember the very last weeks with adam when baby "bump" turned to baby BLIMP?

doctor says baby is breech, so far.  but not to worry, baby has lots of time to turn around and get head down.  however, i don't think that's happened yet.  i feel movement and serious kicking very low, right over my pubic bone and, ahem, lower.  baby needs to TURN so mama doesn't have to have a c-section.  turn baby turn!  you have 13 weeks to go.

i am RAVENOUS this pregnancy, yet have still only gained a total of 8lbs (compared to the 20 or so i'd gained at this point last time...).  i eat all day, and if i miss a snack, i am so so so hungry i OVER eat and suffer for hours from being too full.  :(   i crave sweets at night, but not ice cream (tho i do eat that a lot...).  mostly i want SUPER sweet stuff, like Runts candy (a list topper for sure), vanilla yogurt with blueberries, cherry pie or a bowl full of grapes.  i passed my gestational diabetes test with flying colors, tho i have to admit i was worried with all the sugar i've been eating at every opportunity.  last time, i can remember forgetting to eat for so long that i'd get light headed.  and my sugar was SO low when i met my dr after my diabetes test, she was sort of upset and lectured me to eat more.  this time... remembering to eat has not been a problem.  thinking of ANYthing else is the problem!

baby kicks in the late evening most, just like adam, and about thirty minutes after meals, also like adam.  i can see my belly hop and jump and eric has been talking to and feeling kicks for months.  something different this time is that i can feel actual body parts on this kid.  sometimes i swear i feel a little knee right under my skin, or a foot, or head.  the sonographer told me the baby was "attached" to the forward of my womb, so that might be why?  either way, it is super cool.

while i haven't gained a ton of weight, and baby feels small to me, i find that i am definitely more easily tired this pregnancy - overall, i have to take breaks and long for naps.  i rarely feel rested enough.  and my back is a wreck already.  could be carrying this baby AND carrying a 35 lb toddler occasionally that's got me melting into a heating pad most nights, but i think it's par for the course, regardless.

this time, i'm ravenous for food.  last time i was ravenous for information.  this time, i've barely cracked a pregnancy book or visited a website.  i will remember to check in every few weeks with a book or website, as opposed to daily reading last time.  i feel a whole new sense of calm this time, as opposed to last time.  i did sign up for a refresher nursing course at our delivery hospital.  and a tour of the place.  but there are a TON of unknowns this time - where will we live, for one.  our lease so conveniently ends ON my due date.  we have options and are looking at places already, but still...  and with eric's schedule, i have a concern that he won't be there.  what if he's out to sea?  what will i do with adam?  will someone be able to come pick up adam in time?  but - no matter what happens, i know it will be ok.  i know, even if there is an emergency and i have to give birth on our kitchen floor, even if things are moving super fast and i have to take adam with me to the hospital, things will be ok.  i am so confident and feeling good about this baby arriving in the world AND about knowing that we will able to care for it and love it so much.

it is not weird at all not knowing if baby will be a girl baby or a boy baby.  i feel like this baby is a girl baby... but who knows?!  only time will tell!

i haven't had any weird dreams (yet), haven't had an aversion to coffee this time like i did last time.  i haven't had heartburn.  i have had blurry vision and had to get new contacts, see spots if i bend and then stand up too fast, get lightheaded if i don't drink enough water or, again, stand up too fast.  otherwise, (and other than my weird back and occasional nap needs and NEED for sweets) i feel pretty much like myself!

at the beginning of this pregnancy, though we hoped and tried for this baby for quite awhile, i was very worried and apprehensive about how we are going to juggle everything, how things would work out with two babies...  but, all that quickly passed. now i can't WAIT to meet this little person. i am not at all worried or nervous or scared.  i might have my moments later, when we're sleepless and trying to readjust to the needs of a little human who can't talk, but mostly i am just excited, fearless and ... ready.