this week has been terrible and wonderful.  terrible b/c a lot of things i don't really care at all about were beating me up.  and beating me down.  so much of doing shit i don't want be doing at all.  but feel like i have to.  so many decisions to make about how i spend my time.  and how we balance out the risk of a business with the risk of me having or not having a "day job."  while it might sound so easy to make a giant leap, i have a family - a baby due in just a months.  it's sort of important to me that everyone around here eats and stays out of the rain.  you know, cause i really really love these guys.

sigh.

then, toward the end of the week, things shifted a bit.  mostly b/c i met (& remet) some amazing women.  women who are also scared shitless but leaping nonetheless and doing their thang.   

one woman left her good paying, steady job to go out on her own and use her skills in her creating own biz.  she had the most adorable space.  she had ideas flowing.  she is damn good at what she does. 

another woman is commuting 2 hours each way to run her business here.  through maine.  in the winter.  she's got BIG ideas, a BIG smile, and so many fresh and wonderful ideas.  she knows her shit. 

i met a woman who left her bad marriage, moved across the country and started completely over.  with a baby.  as she spoke, i could see fear and courage both swirling around and around.  she started her own business(es) and is following her path.  and let me tell you, her stuff looks GOOD.

i had a lovely conversation and several emails with the woman i rent the studio from.  so inspiring.  she owns her own business as well.  she is chocked full of good ideas.  and it seems to be her calling in life to lift up others.  i don't know where we'd be without her.

i didn't attend some business seminar for women.  i didn't go to scared-women-of-the-world-unite.  i just met these people.  while i don't want to be selfish about my interactions with them, i'd be lying if i didn't admit that they each felt like guideposts.  little answers to the questions keeping me up at night.

with all the bs going on this week, with as tired as i felt, and scared and very what-should-i-do-must-decide-right-now, this week and all its new friends were incredibly inspiring.  meeting these people brought me back to ground zero.  made me feel not alone.  made me feel so so so inspired.  and so proud. 

people, it is scary to do your own thang. 

--

from mb. 


“you will simply wake up one day—


staring at a random item from the toiletries aisle

missing your exit on the 101

reading the same line three times, badly,

trying too hard

laughing too loud

crying too easily—

and realize not only that you feel wobbly

and weird

and a little pissy around the edges,

but that it has been a long, long time

since you touched real ground.



here is the thing

to remember:

the moment you notice,

you are back.



and here you are again,

10 and 40 all at once,

you are you,

you are alive,

you are moving across the earth

under the sun,

you are a million miracles made whole

right this second.



welcome back.”

unmoored, by colleen wainwright