Headed down south to the land of the pines

And I'm thumbin' my way into North Caroline
Starin' up the road
Pray to God I see headlights

I made it down the coast in seventeen hours
Pickin' me a bouquet of dogwood flowers
And I'm a hopin' for Raleigh
I can see my baby tonight

So rock me mama like a wagon wheel...

Rock me mama like a south-bound train


Runnin' from the cold up in New England
I was born to be a fiddler in an old-time stringband
My baby plays the guitar
I pick a banjo now


Oh, the North country winters keep a gettin' me now
Lost my money playin' poker so I had to up and leave
But I ain't a turnin' back
To livin' that old life no more...


Walkin' to the south out of Roanoke
I caught a trucker out of Philly
Had a nice long toke
But he's a headed west from the Cumberland Gap
To Johnson City, Tennessee

And I gotta get a move on before the sun
I hear my baby callin' my name
And I know that she's the only one
And if I die in Raleigh
At least I will die free
this song makes me smile and cry all at once.  looking at flights and hoping i have the courage/time/money to schlep two babies south (alone) for a visit this fall.

-- 

things have been very rough b/c i have been on my own.  eric will be home tomorrow.  he's been away two weeks, and if you're counting, yes, that means he left when marin was a week old.  i've had amazing support here from pals bringing us food every other day.  and i've gotten outside and tried to keep adam busy at playgrounds and parks and pools.  get us all some space and fresh air.

marin is beautiful and a good baby.  she's still a tiny little peanut and still has all that hair she was born with.  she loves being in the wrap against my body and i've taken her lots of places with adam and me that way.  i am still figuring out her needs and we're learning to dance.  things are getting less clumsy with each day. 

still, i am struck with the quickness of time passing and cry almost every evening after tucking in adam - he's so big and smart and quick and funny.  how FAST it goes.  we have a few precious years to savor the sweetness of vicarious childhood and then it's over.  i was overwhelmed with these feelings when adam was born too, but now, having experienced the quickness firsthand, and having walking, talking evidence of how fast they grow up with me every day, i am overcome with a need to stomp on the brakes.   i can't soak up enough. 

and anytime i feel frustrated or hot or lose my temper, i feel endlessly guilty. 

whew.  people are not kidding when they say the hardest but the most rewarding thing you'll ever do.  i'd say it's equal parts hard and reward.  so so so so so much reward and honor and pride.  but so crazy hard - and i don't just mean hard in finding time to do shit, and hard b/c you don't sleep and you spend all your money on children.  i mean hard emotionally.  i mean hard b/c your heart both breaks and bursts with fullness a little every single day. 

every single hour.