last friday i took adam to the playground.  we walked there with the baby in the stroller.  oddly, there was only 1 other family there... very strange for this little playground near our house which is usually crawling with kids and parents.  this day, just one little boy and his dad.

immediately the little boy started playing with adam, after all, they were the only two there.  he was bigger than adam and i asked his dad how old he was, the number one most asked playground question.  5 years old.  as i watched them, i noticed that his clothes were old and dirty.  old - old.  like 1980's coat old.  his shoes were those rolley wheel-in-the-heel shoes that kids wear sometimes, but the wheels were gone, just leaving these big holes. 

when he got close to me, i could see one tooth up front that was totally brown.

and when adam asked him his name, i heard that his speech was impaired. 

his dad struck me as a little sketchy too, but nice.  tattoo of someone's name on his neck, giant baggy jeans, rough looking.  but he was being attentive and nice to his son, and eventually, chatty with me.

i don't know how we got into the conversation, but he told me that he had been with his son from day 1 in the hospital.  that he had been in the hospital for over a month when was born for "complication" and he was with his son every single day there.  that the boy's mother liked to "run the streets" and in her care his son would already be "in state custody"

he told me that they didn't have much but he told his son every night that they were lucky to have a roof over their heads, food on the table.  as i watched the kids running around, adam in his new - new coat, my heart truly sank and hurt, this little boy was adorable and sweet and having so much fun, but my mind was gearing me up for an awkward situation coming.... (ugh, this is really embarrassing to write/admit!!) is he going to ask me for money?  is it safe to get out my wallet if he does ask me with no one else around here?

he told me that they had to leave the playground soon to do "bottle picking" and that the boy doesn't much  like doing that anymore now that he is getting older (here in maine bottles and cans are redeemable and i often see people going through trash, even our trash, at the street on trash day... so i know what bottle picking means). 

he told me that his son doesn't really understand why his mom comes around sometimes and others she doesn't.  and the mom doesn't understand why her son won't hug her when she comes to visit.

i told him things like - being a single parent is so hard, but all kids need is love and safety and you must be doing a great job, just look at how happy he is!  but really, what do you say to all this?  on a playground.  at 10am.  putting the pacifier back in marin's mouth, hearing my cell phone vibe in the stroller basket.

he told me that he'd registered with salvation army, but they told him that they weren't doing many presents for kids this year.  my heart cracked a little more, but my brain said... ok, here it comes....

and then shortly after that, he called his son, hoisted him up onto his shoulders and said to his son - ok time to go!  and to me - it was good talking to you.  and to adam - maybe we'll see you another time and can play again.  and he carried his son to their wagon, sat him inside, waved goodbye and walked away.

so today is tuesday and this happened last friday and i haven't stopped thinking about it.  i'm mad at myself for being so guarded and immediately assuming the worst.  and i'm incredibly sad for this family - this boy with obvious developmental issues, a single dad who probably also had a rough background (judging, yes, but what else can you say about a person with a hand-done neck tattoo...?) so who knows what his resources are, the embarrassment that is already growing in this child at the tender age of FIVE over his lack of money, the need for his dad to collect bottles and cans.  a kid this age, a baby, shouldn't know what that feels like yet. 

i know this post is coming off as super naive and spoiled.  but i am not. i just can't get this kid and his dad out of my mind.

i called the salvation army on monday and gave them his name.  i'm waiting on a call back for his wishlist.