holy smokes.  today was amazing.  in so many small ways that added up to a big fat day of lovely.

first and foremost, i was feeling much much better, which makes all the difference.

on a whim i asked a friend i haven't seen in awhile to go to the beach with our children.  she chose a beach i'd never been to.  it was SO beautiful.  dunes and sea grass and rocky crests in the distance.  no other people, soft breeze, abundant sun.  perfection.

our sons played well and marin was a peach.

i've realized, and am constantly (perhaps on 30 second rotating cycle all day long) reminded that there is always up and down.  crazy and calm.  sunny and dark.  annoying and pleasing.  i think i've shared it here before, but eric often says there is "sugar with shit" in everything.  and he is right.

a couple prime examples from today include

- i was in bliss brain, smiling watching my son and his friend chase the waves out and then scream and run back toward us as the waves licked their ankles, their pants rolled up to their knees.  i told my friend i was SO glad we did this, despite having to rush around this morning packing lunches and beach toys and sunscreen and blankets... it was a perfect day and they were playing SO well.  it was almost surreal.  and then adam didn't outrun his wave.  from about 100 feet away, i watched him, fully clothed, fall in a wave.  and then soaked, unable to stand up, start crying and stumbling, flailing, falling over and over as he tried to stand and walk out of the water.  he was totally fine, in about 6 inches of water, just scared.  i jumped up to run and grab him, then marin started screaming, as she does the minute she can't see my face.  sadly i did not bring any extra clothes for my kids (mommy fail) so he spent the rest of our beach day in his underwear and a hoodie.  afterward, yep, i took him target that way too.  three year olds can get away with this, luckily.

- marin sat ALL day at the beach without making a peep.  she was all smiles and coos and happy, round dimply baby perfection.  she didn't have any baby toys (mommy fail), but was happy to inspect tubes of sunscreen, hats, and other assortments of items from my purse/beach bag.  she ate well, laughed at the boys.  my friend and i couldn't believe that she 1-hadn't napped and 2- was still so pleasant.  we both commented on how lucky that she isn't yet crawling, she stayed put right on the blanket!  and then i saw her pulling that blanket aside and taking big handfuls of sand, scooping them right up to her mouth and taking big big big bites.  before i could stop her, she leaned over to put her mouth directly in the sand for a big bite, but lost her balance and toppled forward, face planting in the sand.  she screamed like she was dying as i used baby wipes to get the sand out of her eye lashes, her nostrils....

- when we got home, we were ALL sandy and tired, so i decided we'd do a family shower.  we've only done this a handful of times b/c 1- adam has been afraid of showers until recently and 2- let's be honest, a shower is one of the only times i have alone all day and i am reluctant to give up that precious time!  but today, in we all went.  happiness, washing up, talking to adam about our fun day, keeping an eye on marin as she sat near the drain chewing on a bath toy.  adam annouced he needed to pee, and climbed out of the shower to go to the potty.  ok.  i took his absence as an opportunity to wash my hair.  then he yells - MOM WIPE ME!  I POOPED! erg.  sigh. ok, i told him, one second... i rinse my hair.  i then hear him say, all of the sudden, MOM LOOK AT ME, I AM STANDING ON THE TOILET!  um, what!?!?!?  i look down at the baby to make sure she's ok before i hop out of the shower to see what he is doing and see her taking big handfuls of my shampoo suds and taking big bites of those bubbles.  AHHH!  move her away from bubbles to the back of the tub, get out dripping wet in front of a wide open window, wipe a poo bottom... and there goes dreamland.

basically, this is my day.  everyday. round and round and round.  climax, denouement.  climax, denouement.  climax, denouement.  the trick, the hard as hell trick, is learning to focus on the amazing and laugh at the shit.  and laugh today i did.  a LOT.

this is the deal with little children, i suppose.  but you know - i wouldn't trade any of it.  at least not today :)