i have a little problem.

friday i was reading a bit of real simple magazine* and there is an article about the busy lives of women and how we feel we have no time.  somewhere this article mentioned the plight of women with just one hour of personal time, or leisure time, per day.

um so yeah. this stuck with me. 

probably because on most days, i do not have one hour of purely personal time.  and if i do, it is certainly not leisurely.  it's spent on personal priorities, such as showering, returning calls, making sure i have clothes to wear, healthy food to eat.

so. wow. this is not good.

i didn't need to read an article in real simple to tell me that.  but still it definitely brought the issue up to the fore front of my mind.  along with an article i found via my pal mb's blog, which basically outlined that instead of being super "busy" we're sorta wasting our time on things that are lame (like facebook). 

ok, i can relate.

so what am i going to do about this?  well.  i think that waiting around for things to change is always the wrong option.  if i just lament that i have no me time, constantly feel in over-drive, and then do zilch about it, then zilch will occur.  maybe it's silly, maybe it's a symptom of my tends-to-be-type-a personality, my virgo need to organize and command, but i think i need to manage this shit on a very basic level, at least to begin with.  i need some self-discipline.

so this week i am going to set some boundaries and goals.  and i'm also going to time track my days.

goals and boundaries:

- i will not check email or facebook more than five times per day.  wow.  limiting myself to five times a day is so ridiculous to even write down, i am resisting a huge urge to delete that.  FIVE TIMES?!  as a limit.  isn't it crazy that i (we?  i am hoping i'm not alone here....) check our email and facebook a gazillion times a day.  yes, it is.  i have this little iphone and i look at it so many times.  so many.  i will set a limit.  i have a business to run, so i DO need to check in several times a day.  but truly, barring a major emergency (but really, then, wouldn't i just make a phone call??) five times a day is my limit.  so it's sunday, day 1, and at 8am i have already looked at both once.  4x to go.

- i will set aside dedicated work time every day. this will be my hardest goal for sure.  especially when eric is away.  but i really do need it.  i welcome tips from self-employed mamas on how to do this one. i am constantly fitting in a phone call, an email, a software update, a blast email, etc in the preschool pick up line, in the grocery store, while i make lunch or drive somewhere (seriously).  i hate it and it makes me distracted.  it makes me irritated with the kids because can't they just SEE that i REALLY need to send this email right now?!?! i honestly need at least two uninterrupted hours per day at a desk.  but i could make do with one hour.  but... when?  i could get up at 6am and work till 8am... but then when do i practice yoga or sleep?  i could work from 8pm to 10pm, but then when do i relax and have kid-free downtime?  i think this particular goal will have to be scheduled day-to-day.  but it's a must.  and with that said...

- i will not work while i am with my kids/i will keep my work to it's dedicated time each day.  so this is going to be really hard because this is the nature of the life i have adopted.  i have no clear cut "work days" and juggle and switch all day between being a mom, a wife, a business owner, a teacher.... and sometimes all those things at one time.  but i think this is part of what is making me crazy.  i NEED to compartmentalize a little because i have these children who mean more to me than all that other stuff, but the other stuff, man it can really creep in.  obviously there will be spill over, but i am going to work on this.  having the dedicated work time each day will help.

- i will schedule one hour each day of dedicated leisure time.  again, gonna be a tough one.  and gonna have to schedule it on a day-to-day basis.  i know it isn't the case for everyone, but for me, "leisure" means time with me alone or other adults.  it does not include time with the trainer, because that shit is hard and not restful (though it does make me feel good... but still).  but i will count other gym time, exercise outside, taking yoga classes, being with friends kid-free (getting together with other mom friends and our children (read: playdates) is great and nice and meaningful, but is not leisurely or restful b/c i am still "on" or "at work" you might say), or any restful, enjoyable activity i do alone.   i will not count the 30 mins or so that i read every night in my bed before i sleep because that's sort of required for me to sleep.  i need dedicated me time, while fully alert and awake, every day.  starting today.  one hour.

- i will get more organized and clutter free around our house. clutter and disorganization really stresses me out and pisses me off.  which is really ironic given that i am the source of a lot of the clutter and diorganization around here.  when things are messy, i feel angry, stressed, overwhelmed, irritated.  i don't know why, but this is how i feel.  (if you know me and are reading this, you are probably thinking man she must be pissed all the time, because it's true that i am not the world's neatest person... ha)  when things are tidy and organized i feel calm, happy, light.  these are feelings i want to have more of.  so i must work on the clutter.  now, having kids makes this a bazillion times more difficult.  there are preschool papers, diaper bags, shoes, toys, empty bottles, did i mention SHOES, every freaking where.  but i recently read this idea of having a clutter bucket in your house.  basically, you have a big basket and a few times a day you do a sweep of your house, throwing in anything that is out of place.  then at the end of the day you put everything in the bucket back to it's proper place.  i think this idea will work well for us. eric agrees.  done.  as in, today.

- i will be laying in my bed, head on my pillow, every night by 10pm.  i don't sleep enough.  most nights, i go to bed around midnight and wake around 6am.  this is not good. this won't be easy because night time is usually when i get work done (or house work) when eric's away because i am with the children all day. night time is usually the only time i am alone. however, sleep has to be a bigger priority than one last email, one more load of laundry, one more plan, one more ...

- i will track how i spend my time and i will report back.  for this week i will write down how i spend my time.  i think paying attention to what i am spending my time on and seeing it in black and white will help me discern where i can make cuts and where i can add in.  i know this is ridiculous.  but i know it's going to also be good for me.  i also know that writing down the 40 mins i have spent writing this blog post will be painful to write down, but i am gonna do it.  also, i will write more about how i am doing with my goals and tracking here, helping me be accountable to myself.

so i think that's enough (more than) for week 1.  i am already doing a good job on eating healthy and exercising.  i have lost 10 pounds!  i meet with the trainer once a week and then do other fit activities throughout the week - just this week, i took a long walk with marin and a friend's child in our double stroller, spent a morning in a gym, hiked a couple miles with my family by the beach, walked my kids to the playground, walked 2 miles to eric's ship's pier, etc.  i have these two physical aspects, eating well and moving my body, under much better control than even a month ago.

but it's the mental/emotional side i am trying to target now.  i want to and need to simplify my life and nurture myself.  i need more pleasure in my life.  i have SO many good things over here, but i am working so hard (too hard, my own fault maybe?) that i hardly get to enjoy anything.  i need to let go a little.  but before i can do that, i feel i need to set up bones or structure.  i can't enjoy the house without walls and a roof first.  so this week i will work on the walls and roof, and create a safe and awesome space where i can go and take a chill pill already.

* i was reading the magazine at the dr. office where i was waiting because i have an awful nasty cough that will not go away.  a result of this overdrive life i've been living?  hm.  but then i did come home and read some more, on my couch, while the kids rested in their rooms, for about 20 mins.  just being honest.