decisions, decisions

after an hour and a half phone call with erica, i lay on the couch. blackberries balanced on my ever-rounding tummy, the newest issue of fit pregnancy in my right hand.

i'm procrastinating.

my dad calls to share a website he found that has photos of his days in germany ( that's him, second from the right in the first photo). i talked to my mom. she got the photos i emailed yesterday and thinks i look six months pregnant (i'm four, just about five.) she's going to dig up pregnant photos of herself and scan them in to email later today.

i eat a nectarine. start a blog post. start a grilled cheese.

still procrastinating.

i teach my yoga class in old town tomorrow and, truth be told, i did do some work this morning. i edited the registration form and waiver. i sent them to folks who'd signed up. but i can't get myself to plan this class.

i'm nervous.

i want it to be awesome! i've set my own expectations pretty high. but it's time. time to buckle down, shove the furniture to the edge of the room, unroll the mat and turn up radio paradise.

time to get down to business.

at least this is my business. thank you, god. i'm certain there's some poor soul out there who's balancing financial sheets or answering emails today about productivity. thank you, thank you, thank you, god. thank you, self. thank you.

--

went to the doc yesterday. we heard Baby's heartbeat again-- perfectly normal and healthy! phew! i gained 6 pounds. i guess that's ok-- certainly FEELS like more. though i'm only 17 weeks, the doc wants me to have the next ultrasound-- the one where we find out if Baby is a Boy Baby or Girl Baby- in 2 weeks.

here's why: that surgery i had last summer, it may have left me with an "incompetent" cervix. if it is, in fact, discovered to be incompetent, they'll actually stitch it shut so Baby stays safe and warm in there.

but, wha? did you just call it incompetent?!

is it just me, or is that pretty rude? i mean, it's not my doc-- he's great. that's what it's called all around. incompetent.

no one would ever say that a man had an "incompetent" penis. no, no. well, on second thought, i guess they do get the ever-unfortunate "dysfunction" label.

but still. can't we just say that my cervix may have "special needs"? or how about that it's "challenged"?

i'm going with special needs.

so if it turns out to have special needs, i'll let you know.

it's a wee scary that we'll know what sex Baby is soon. made this all very real in the elevator leaving the doctor's office yesterday. eric said- what can be more real than that heartbeat we just heard? i said- i know, i know. it just feels like this is all happening so fast!

then when i called my mom and she said- well, you are almost halfway done, you know. i freaked slightly more.

how did that happen? i feel like i just found out i was pregnant. half of it already went by? but wait! hold on! i have so many books left to read, things to buy, need a place to live, need to pack our apartment, need to research immunizations and cord blood and organic, made-at-home baby food. and breastfeeding. i really need to know about that too.

sigh. i better go. procrastination really just caught up with me.