i am sad to leave our house. starting to move on from just sad to really really sad. everything in that house is the way we wanted it, from the cabinets, to the light fixtures, the plants growing outside, the tile in the shower, the bath toys littering the tub. it's all ours. when we pull into the driveway every evening adam says "home" and points to the house. we bought that house for him. before it, we lived in a one-bedroom in the city and never cooked and stayed out late or drank wine for dinner. he won't even remember this house, his first home, one of his first words. it makes me so sad thinking about the day that i'll shut the front door and leave and not go back. i've moved a million times (ok, like 20 or something), but never from a place we made our own like this. i'm positive i'll move on (literally and emotionally), that i'll feel better and eventually have a new place to call home. but for now, this is very sad. i am sad about this.

i am a little weirded out about leaving work. my boss sent an announcement about my impending departure to our division this week and it might be the nicest thing anyone ever wrote about me. and the follow up emails from friends and colleagues were so sweet too. i work in a great place and like my job a lot. and this will be the first time in my 14 years or so of working that i have left a job without something else lined up. granted, i am lucky that i have a gainfully employed spouse who is gracious, rarely-if-ever stressed and supportive of whatever i decide (or don't decide) to do when we get to maine.

but still.

man, maybe i should talk about what i am excited/hopeful about. there are some things. i am excited/hopeful about

-living in portland. i loved the town, it's size, it's buzz.

-if i do work, and i get off work at 5pm, i will most certainly be home by 5:15pm. that will be nice. it will be nice to not feel so pressed for time all the time.

-to sloooooooooooooow down. to do more family things.

-our new little apartment in portland and its fun location.

-taking (and potentially teaching) more yoga classes.

-long walks with adam and otis. portland is very walkable and has a great trail around the peninsula along the ocean. i see strollers, leashes, to-go coffee, sunglasses and picnic lunches in my future. daily.

-having eric home more. though he'll be on a big ship, he should be home more evenings than he is now.

-cooking more and learning about foods. (this falls under the "what i would do if only i had more time" category. now that i will...)

-spending more time with adam.

-to take advantage of all of maine's outdoor things to do in the summer. eric and i think adam could definitely handle a mini-camping trip, and i am certain we could stroll him on hikes or carry him in a backpack carrier we have. i am excited to explore this new place.

- to kick off high heels and stuffy work clothes, trade them for yoga pants and blue jeans, long dresses, comfortable sweet tops, fun jewelry, sandals and sneakers. to trade fluorescent lights and no office windows for sea breezes, sunlight and snowballs.