randomly grateful for

- not seeing eric smoke in about a year.  he smells like a cigarette sometimes, i find butts in his pockets (he can't bring himself to throw them on the ground or in the ocean), and my candle ligher goes missing occasionally... but he never smokes around me or our babies.  ever.  this isn't as good as quitting, b/c i don't want him to, like, die.  but i think it's pretty considerate.

 - the way adam has begun to tell me, out of no where: mommy, i love you SO much.  mommy, thank you for making us this dinner.  mommy, will you stay here with me all day today?

- the way marin snarfles and wiggles her entire body and smiles her biggest smile in the morning when i come into her room to get her out of her crib.  it's like she knows she can't talk so she is using every possible body language cue she can think of to tell me exactly how happy she is to see me.

- the amazing and wonderful thing that always happens even when we think it won't: close a door on something you don't need and a better door to something you do need will miraculously open right up.  grateful that i'm starting, just just just starting a tiny bit, to trust that this happens every time.

- the way our room looked like a black and white photo this morning, the sky was so gray.  snow falling outside, babies asleep and house quiet, cuddles from eric.

- calls all morning asking if our noon class would be on today, in the snow.  why yes!  we will be having a noon yoga class in the falling snow and in maine - WHO AM I!?  life is so wonderful.  honestly, the crazyness of the way things have unfolded for me, in a way i never ever dreamed, makes me excited for whatever lies ahead.  maybe in another 10 years i'll be living in ... china... making gourmet doughnuts...  in a house on a mountain top... having another baby... and learning to fly a plane.  i mean, honestly, at this point.... i really really do believe it:

ANY thing is possible.